The politics of a heatwave
I mean I like the heat, but this is too hot
It was months. Then weeks. I fear we are now down to just days. Until Wimbledon starts, and they take me off the radio because they have got better people to say “ooft, that was a fast one”. Which is why I am heading out on tour in July. Which only now people are telling me is a bad idea because it’s hot. Isn’t it just?
I might be on the radio, but I still wear a suit most days. Or at least a jacket and trousers. I pop into parliament in the morning to pick up stories, gossip or just a Diet Coke, and everyone else is wearing a suit. So I follow… er… suit.
To go into the press gallery, looking down on the Commons chamber, you need to wear a jacket. Well you do if you’re a man. And every week when I take a celebrity guest to PMQs (Mock The Week comedian Andy Parsons yesterday) they have to be reminded of the dress code.
It’s always a big moment when the Speaker gives what was once described to me as “Shirtsleeves Orders”. No jackets needed. It doesn’t happen often. The last time I can find is 18 July 2022, before that July 25 2019, and before that on 21 July 2017 I had the honour, as press gallery chairman that year, to tell colleagues they could go in to the gallery jacketless. No such order has been made this year. Yet.
Looking down in the chamber it’s hard to tell which party is enjoying heatwave more. Luckily YouGov have got the answer. I love it when an opinion poll which appears to be about something non-political reveals something about our politics.
YouGov asked: Are you hoping that a heatwave does or does not happen in the UK in the next few weeks? Overall 41 per cent hope it happens, 47 per cent hope it doesn’t (and the rest don’t know – well done to them). This is a country which cannot cope with heat.
There is not much difference between men and women, but there are big differences in the political outlook when it comes to the prospect of a heatwave.
As temperatures climb into the high 20s or low thirties it’s good news for the party with polling consistently in the high twenties or low thirties: Reform UK. More than half of their voters – 51 per cent – are hoping a heatwave does happen, with only 40 per cent blowing in the opposite direction. They should head to the south-east of England where it be be becoming hot later.
By contrast the Lib Dems are feeling the heat: less than a third are hoping for a heatwave, with 57 per cent hoping it doesn’t happen. They should look to west Scotland where it is cloudier, with the odd spot of rain in the far north-west.
Overnight there will be a few patches of cloud, bringing the odd shower to the far south-west by dawn. Good news for Labour voters there, with 49 per cent opposed to a heatwave with 39 per cent in favour.
It will be hot, humid and sunny across the UK tomorrow.
Conservatives are split down the middle on the merits of the heatwave, so should head east which will be bright with some patchy cloud.
The Red Wall is deeply divided between the merits of heat, with 45 per cent of northerners in favour and 43 per cent against. Perhaps the divided Tories could make inroads there again.
Southern England is most likely to get the heat, but the least enthusiastic. Londoners are especially opposed to a heatwave, with 58 per cent dreading it. Perhaps one of them is our local weather watcher in Kingston and Surbiton, Lib Dem leader Ed Davey.
Scots are the most enthusiastic about a heatwave, with 57 per cent desperate to crack open the suncream - with Wales close behind on 51 per cent. Could this help pro-heatwave Reform make their hoped-for tan-tastic breakthrough in elections there?
It might be explained by the fact young people are much less keen on a heatwave (just 27 per cent in favour), perhaps stuck in hot flats, hot buses, hot jobs while worrying about climate change. By contrast the over-65s are keenest for the heat (41 per cent). Nice to spend your retirement in the garden.
We talked about all of this on my 5 Live show today, and lots of people got in touch with their tips for keeping cold (towel in the fridge), occupations which aren’t good in the heat, “our stack of super wet-wipes that are as good as a shower anyday or night” and general icecream chat.
But my favourite was person who texted in: “Matt. For heaven's sake stop talking about the bloody weather. l don't know what's is wrong with you upper middle class *****. If you are not moaning about the weather. Then you are talking about bloody meaningless football .A sign of a spoilt childhood. most politicians are Charlatons and Philistines. One day us ordinary folk will have to sharpen our pitch forks.”
I think the heat might be getting to him. Probably a Lib Dem.
Let them eat sandwiches
I have written for the New Statesman this week, about politics and food ahead of my tour starting at the end of the month. It’s a nice full circle moment: when I was political editor of MailOnline I hired Tom McTague as my deputy. Now he’s the new editor of the Statesman, hiring me.
The piece is a romp through lots of the issues I’ll be talking about in my stand-up show: Keir Starmer’s breakfast, Nigel Farage’s woke milk, and Kemi Badenoch’s hatred of sandwiches.
No sooner had the mag gone to press, I bumped into a Tory MP who told me a story that missed the article but will go straight into the stand-up show: having had almost no contact with their leader this year, a couple of weeks ago they were summoned with a few colleagues for lunch with Badenoch.
“Sandwiches were laid on.”
Sandwiches? Doesn’t she hate sandwiches?
“Oh yes. She had something hot brought in. Which didn’t really help with the ‘us and them’ feeling.”
Delicious.
For two decades I have feasted on politics, stalking the corridors, pubs and restaurants of Westminster. Now I have all the ingredients to cook up a brand new show looking at parliament's feuding food factions and how politicians really are what they eat. From Keir Starmer’s fish and cheese, to Kemi Badenoch’s hatred of sandwiches, from Nigel Farage’s proper milk to Ed Davey’s fig rolls, everything (and everyone) is on the menu.
WARNING: Politics may contain nuts.
As seen on Have I Got News For You (BBC1), Newsnight (BBC 2) and Lorraine (ITV1).
30th June Norwich Playhouse
1 July Farnham Maltings
2 July Bristol Redgrave Theatre
3 July Lyme Regis Marine Theatre
4 July Oxford North Wall
7 July Canterbury Gulbenkian
8 July Newcastle The Stand
9 July Edinburgh The Stand
10 July Birmingham Glee Club
12 July Salford Lowry
13 July Cheltenham Town Hall
8 November Taunton Brewhouse
10 November London Cambridge Theatre
Well that will do for now. Do hit the like button if you liked it. If you didn’t like it, just keep it to yourself, alright?