One of the last pieces I wrote for The Times was some helpful advice for Keir Starmer: Speak truth to purr and evict Larry the Cat. Explaining my pet peeve, I opined: “For too many people, laughing about Larry the Cat sitting/ walking/ licking his balls has become a substitute for having a personality.”
So how exactly did I end up going viral this week for shouting questions at the damned cat?
It began on Monday, when I launched my new afternoon show on BBC Radio 5 Live. Just to really crank up the jeopardy and sense of panic, the morning began early, getting into Westminster just after 7am to record a walk-and-talk chat with Henry Zeffman, before dashing to a school in Orpington for 9.30am.
There I would find Bridget Phillipson, the education secretary making an announcement on Ofsted grading, and, all being well, the prime minister.
After Starmer had done his best making conversation with some year ones sitting on tiny chairs (“Is that a swimming pool?” “No it’s an icecream.”) I grabbed him for a short chat.
I asked about his birthday (he was 62 that day), Oasis tickets (no he didn’t get any, he was at Balmoral with the King and Queen, but something must be done about pricing), cutting winter fuel payments (Labour MPs should brace for more cuts), and then, finally, this…
MATT: “Finally, I spoke to you just before the election. We talked about your children lobbying to get a dog. They wanted a German Shepherd dog. How's that negotiation going?”
KEIR: “Well, those negotiations have been going on. There's been a long summer of negotiations, back and forth, different options. But now we've gone for… and this is a agreed after long negotiations… I said we'd get in the room and sort it out. We are now getting a kitten instead of a dog.”
MATT: “Wow, that's quite different from a German Shepherd.”
PM: “This is a Siberian kitten, which is being picked up today by my daughter and so that's where it ended up.”
MATT: “Does Larry know about this?”
KEIR: “Well, the problem we've got, which is the same for JoJo the cat [the Starmer family cat], is that the only door out of our new flat is bomb proof. And therefore, getting a cat flapping in it is proving a little bit difficult. But our daughter’s persuaded us that the problem isn't any bigger for two cats than one. And therefore, we're now getting this kitten.”
Boom. That was it. I went looking for a dog story and came back with a cat story. And it was all anyone wanted to follow-up. (Actually the words on Oasis made it on to the front of The Times and Daily Mirror.)
It was in the TV and radio bulletins. All over the papers and online. People discussing the practicalities of a third cat in No10. Sky News’ Sam Coates revealing on his podcast that he has a Siberian cat called Bob, and they “love you very, very much”. Richard Osman, who has provided updates about introducing a kitten to an existing cat on his podcast, sent me a voice note:
“The key is to be gentle, patient and quiet. My advice would be to imagine that Larry is the electorate, and that the new kitten is a raft of tax rises.”
And that’s how I ended up standing in Downing Street shouting questions at Larry, the cat I have loathed for so long. Needless to say, he ignored me. Or as I say in the video, he was keeping his meow-th shut.
Anyway the video has gone viral on my Instagram. Quarter of a million views and counting.
Listen to my brand new afternoon show on BBC Radio 5 Live weekdays from 2pm-4pm. If you miss it, you can catch up on BBC Sounds.
Ultimate political lapdog
With all that cat content, I felt I needed to balance things up a bit. BBC impartiality and all that. So I popped into the office of Steve Darling, the new Lib Dem MP for Torbay, who has a guide dog called Jennie. After recording the interview, in which Steve discussed the challenge of getting around the Palace of Westminster with 3 per cent vision, I posed for photos with Jennie, who duly put her paw on my knee..
Then suddenly, in one dramatic movement, Steve scooped her up and landed her on my lap, like a very large baby. I LOVED IT.
Thinking outside the box
The big Tory story of the week was the first vote among MPs to whittle six leadership candidates down to five.
I wanted someone who knew the party well to come on the show, and former MP Charles Walker, as a former vice-chair of the 1922 Committee, was perfect. He said he’d love to do it, but wouldn’t be in London so could he do Zoom.
Five minutes later, a text: “Matt, I will come in to Millbank. My wife has reminded me that I still have the 1922 Ballot Box!!”
And here it is, dating back something like 100 years to when the 1922 Committee was formed in 1923 (don’t ask)
My book, Planes, Trains and Toilet Doors: 50 Places That Changed British Politics, is out in paperback on October 10, with a bonus chapter on the place that shaped Keir Starmer’s leadership. Pre-order now.
‘’F *** ing brilliant. I would describe it as like a bag of political nuts – moreish and fabulously salty’ JOE LYCETT
I have 3 cats Tigerlily Bengal 18 years old had her since 14 weeks, then Marmalade age 13 years old Persian and then my mum’s cat which lived with me after mum passed away age 10 years old got her from the RSPCA as an abandoned kitten name Jac a black moggy she is the most loving cat. I’m 63 years old and have had cats since I was 3 years old. I have listened to your radio show when you worked at Times Radio. Can’t listen to your radio show live but can I listen to it as a podcast or later on.
All the best to you Matt.
Best wishes Mrenhal.