This week’s email is coming to you from a laptop unaffected by the outage, uninfected by covid, and without wearing a bandage on my ear.
As part of my apparently ongoing series, Politicians Are People Too (Or At Least Used To Be), my favourite* story this week came from Sir Roger Gale, a Conservative MP since 1983. Before that he was one of the first DJs on Radio Caroline, the offshore pirate radio station that spawned the careers of Tony Blackburn, Johnnie Walker, Dave Lee Travis, Tommy Vance, and the magnificently named Spangles Muldoon.
One night in 1964 when Gale was on Radio Caroline North he was on shore leave, and was asked to do a guest week spinning some Motown records at the Ambassador bowling alley in Wolverhampton.
And Berry Gordy, the founder of Motown, came in with the stars of the Motortown Revue, which was touring the world at the time, with Martha and the Vandellas, Smokey Robinsons and The Miracles, Diana Ross and the Supremes, Stevie Wonder, “the whole shebang”.
“I actually watched Stevie Wonder playing ten pin bowls in the Wolverhampton bowling alley,” Gale told the Commons. “Think about that.”
And I did think about that. And wanted to know more. So we got Gale on my Times Radio show:
“They arrived probably half past ten at night, and were still there at three o’clock in the morning. To my terrible amazement, not only did they all bowl - Diana Ross was bowling and everybody else was bowling. But Stevie Wonder bowled, and took out the Kingpin and got the strike… he quite clearly had someone teach him by sensory methods how to do it. It was quite extraordinary. If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes I wouldn’t have believed it.”
Which of course Stevie Wonder didn’t.
Anyway, it also prompted me to ask listeners for their tales of spotting celebrities in unlikely places, doing unlikely things. Highlights included someone spotting “Going For Gold’s Henry Kelly on a bench at Legoland Windsor” and a woman who got caught in a fight in Harrods over a pair of gloves, both clutching one glove and trying to extract the pair from their opponent, only to look up and see it was Felicity Kendall.
It reminded me of a story from a listener years ago about how his dad used to be a croupier in Leicester Square, and sometimes brought customers/mates home after hours. And there was one man he kept bringing home, until mum snapped and said enough is enough, he’s not coming again.
“But he’s Sammy David Jr,” dad pleaded.
“I don’t care who he is, he’s not coming round here again and eating my ham.”
Gale only mentioned the Wolverhampton Wonder in the Commons because he was speaking in the King’s Speech debate straight after Warinder Juss, the new Labour MP for Wolverhampton West, had given his maiden speech. A quirk of parliamentary timing delivering gold. Lovely
There’s a slight hitch
*OK second best story of the week after the hitchiker…
As a result of the celebrity encounters story, someone got in touch and said they’d once been picked by Matthew Parris, Tory MP-turned-magnificent-Times colleague – who was on my show that morning, prompting Parris to offer up this top drawer content:
“I did so much hitchhiking myself when I was younger. I hitchhiked with some people in the United States who were going to murder somebody. They showed me the gun. Well, the man had been jilted by his wife or girlfriend, and he was going to shoot the offending man. He gave me a lift, and then dropped me off.
“I thought, shall I go to the police station? And then I thought, no, he gave me a lift. I can't do that… Oh dear, have I said too much?”
Never Matthew, never.
This week I have/have not enjoyed
One of the joys of my Times Radio show has been The Columnists Panel, where the same pairing each weekday supposedly seriously analyses the news at 10.30am. What has been brilliant is the way each pairing have taken on their own vibe and quirks. Thursdays was “Manveen Rana and Someone Called Matthew” because Matthew Parris could only do fortnightly. Syed, Bell, Charlton and others filled the off week. But the Parris week’s were the best. Mainly because Manveen would bring in homemade cakes, and Matthew would eat them. I rashly boasted once that I made a decent quiche. So for our last morning together I did. A teacher once told me I had “good pastry fingers” which I have worn as a badge of pride every since. I used this very simple James Martin recipe, although obviously not with the tomatoes because I’m not a monster. Not gonna lie. It was delicious. And no soggy bottom.
They have already deleted the option to fax Keir Starmer from the Downing Street answerphone message, which is a shame. Yet Larry the Cat remains undeleted. Shame.
Did Keir kill comedy? It’s an interesting question, not least for those of us who have occasionally made hay from visiting the regional arts centres of Britain with political stand-up. Does the arrival of a bunch of dullards mean the end of the lols? Personally I always enjoyed writing columns/routines about the unexpected – Andrew Bridgen, the toolmaker’s son, Gladstone’s biscuit – more than saying “lettuce” to rapturous applause. Anyway it’s an interesting discussion we had today with people going to the Edinburgh Fringe this year, not least with Startruck co-star Emma Sidi who is one of the few people glad to have a change of government, thanks to her charcter show “Emma Sidi Is Sue Gray”.
And that’s your lot for now. A busy week ahead as it’s my last show on Times Radio on Friday. We’ll laugh, we’ll cry and then I’ll take the whole team out for a steak dinner and crazy golf. Until next time, tell your friends…
Can you ask Manveen for her cake recipe? I'm sincerely going to miss your podcast. I love each day of the week with your columnists. Oh how I'm going to miss Friday, Matthew pounding on his laptop! Classic